Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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