Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
