your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
