He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we should paint friendship bongs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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