I just made out with a guy for $7.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
