DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
