all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
