I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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