just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
