god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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