when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
