i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
