My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
