He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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