5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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