i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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