it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
me + whiskey = a bad person
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
