1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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