tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
