he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
