So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
