It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
