even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
