just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
