Walk of Shame. In a state park.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
