he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
