Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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