i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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