Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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