As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
