I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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