Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love having hate sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
