Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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