What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
