Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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