I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
