Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
