We named our party play list daddy issues
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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