Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
