toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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