I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
