She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
