I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
