wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
