I wish I could teleport
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
