tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
