If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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