Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
birth control should be required to get into college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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