my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
