Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
