Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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