So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
