Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
