i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
