I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
