where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
