While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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