I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
