found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
