What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
