haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
