Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
