I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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